The bad, the bad, and the ugly

Notice there is no 'good' in that title. Well....There's a reason.

I am having a very hard time with things right now and whether my readers like it or not, I'm documenting these feelings because I'm hoping a good bitch sessi, .......I mean, therapeutic post, will help me see the light. Because quite frankly, something has to. My apologies friends, in advance, for the rant. It's been building for way too long and Ive got to do something or I may explode. Literally.

I feel like my blog is all good stuff that portrays my life as being pretty damn good with no problems, issues, hiccups, obstacles, etc and that is so far from the truth I can't even tell you.

Let's start with my husband. We haven't slept in the same bed in 6 months and I'll tell you: that will wear on ya. I feel single again. And I do not like it. He's been snoring and I simply cannot sleep with him beside me so I was moving to the couch but soon realized real quick that couches are NOT for pregnant people. So he started moving to the couch in the living room, then once that got old, he moved to Tess's room on the blowup, but now he's in the basement on the blowup bc Tess's room is all ready for Tess. Not Brian. I miss him. I miss the occasional touch from
him at 2 in the morning. I miss kissing him good night right before we turn the lights out. I miss waking up beside him each morning. I miss my husband.
And believe it or not: I miss arguing over who's going to tend to Cameron 'this time.' Right now, I tend to her 99% of the time because B is in the dungeon, hears nothing, and quite frankly, I'm tired. Very tired. Now that I've mentioned the C word, I'll Segway into part II of my 'funk.'

My beautiful, 2.5 year old, holy sass and major attitude daughter, Cameron Elizabeth Herring.

My gosh are you challenging right now. So challenging, I find myself crying when no one is around. Working from home certainly has it's perks but I do miss the 'office' from time to time. I miss bouncing ideas off people and that adult interaction everyone, especially parents, need so much.

I'm perplexed with my daughter's sleeping the most. She has other issues like tantrums, not eating, talking back, sassing, etc but this sleeping has straight up gotten me angry. She goes down like a champ every night at 745-8 no problem. Well, she has her nights where every single excuse under the sun comes out, but for the most part, she's a great bed-goer. Always has been. But, she wakes up, every morning, and I mean EVERY morning, at either 4 or 5. And it's hell getting her back to sleep. Utter hell. She throws fits, is NOT nice and sweet, & screams at the top of her lungs (I mean, who has the desire to scream like that at 5 AM when there's no reason for it?). I promise, she hadn't had a nightmare or been physically beaten but you would have thought all of the above and then some with the way she acts in the mornings. And it's pretty much every morning. It's completely nuts and I cannot figure it out???? She used to sleep great in her crib, and she may still be adjusting to her big girl bed, but we've had her in it for almost 3 solid months. I feel like she should be pretty well adjusted by now but maybe not. Hell, who am I to know???? I am at a loss, and running out of things to do or say to this child at 4:30 to get her to go back to bed. I feel like a failure. And there's no worse feeling. I did buy her this 'tot clock' online that supposedly parents swear by, but after night one, I'm not so sure I'm sold. However, we will keep trying. It's all about persistence and routine with children.

Due to this lack of sleeping I feel like her health has suffered tremendously. She's been sick more these last couple months than she's been in her entire life. Stomach bug twice followed by the diarrhea bug, then strep in both her eyes and throat, and now she currently has an ear infection. I just want it to stop. I want my Cameron and husband back. And I cannot wait to meet Tess. Tackling all of these obstacles pregnant is not easy.

I know I signed up for this by becoming a parent but wow. WOW! No one really prepares you for times like these.

I know, cry me a river right??? Poor pitiful Lindley. :(. Shame on me for acting like this bc my situation could be a whole lot worse. There are people out there with no family or spouse at all. There are women out there who aren't even able to have kids. There are people dying, suffering from incurable diseases. You have my MIL who hasn't walked in 7 months. Who am I to bitch? I have really no place but this is why I love blogging. It's so calming to me. It makes me stop, take several deep breaths, and reflect on how bad things really could be in my little world. This is a pretty private space I can go to and air my dirty laundry without taking my friends and family away from their lives to hear my problems. And I am feeling better already.

See? My life is not always rosy, happy, I have the cutest sweetest daughter ever, a blissful marriage, etc. It's definitely like a box of chocolates. You never know what you're gonna get. But--as my mom has always said: 'this too shall pass.' And it will.

I love my daughter. I love my husband. I love my life. It's just challenging right now. I talk to God a lot and I know he'll take good care of us.

I would like to close with the fact that this crazy world we live in has received the blessing of new life this week, two of whom happen to be the babies of my friends. I picked Kayla up at the airport this morning as her brother Brad and wife, Kayla, had Kallie Mae on Tuesday and then Jeff and Ralna Bailey had Jentri Blayke yesterday. I got to see everyone this morning at Covenant Women's and Children's and everyone's doing well. Seeing my friends and those precious babies helped me know that everything is going to be ok.

I so needed that.

Cheers,
Lindley